Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Spring brings new change and our lives are changing - it's good stuff. I got a full-time job. I've been teaching part-time at the local community college. But I haven't been very happy with it. My new job is in the admissions office of the college. I'll finish teaching (it's just one afternoon a week)this semester, but that's it.

So far, I'm enjoying the job, just learning all of the systems. My co-workers are nice. There are perks - 4 day work weeks during the summer, school holidays plus vacations.

On my first day, I met with my 2 direct supervisors. We talked about my responsibilities, upcoming projects & events, etc...They mentioned that they like to keep it light & fun in the office. They said for birthdays they'll have small parties - cake, snacks. They asked when was my birthday. Uh oh. I've only worked part-time since Sara died and have been able to avoid working on our birthday. I told them "October 2" but I got choked up. I told them that I didn't like to celebrate my birthday. I'm sure they thought that was odd. I was able to say "My daughter died on my birthday." They didn't ask any questions. I was OK with that.

So far I haven't said anything to my other co-workers about Sara. This year my birthday falls on a Saturday. So I'll have the actual day off. Maybe I'll tell them about her at our Monday morning meeting the week before. I'll just see how I'm feeling at that time.

Ethan has started going to day care full-time now & adjusted well. We've been happy with the current school, but we really liked another church day school in town. They didn't offer a part-time plan so it wasn't available before. Now that we need full-time care, we looked into switching. Thankfully they had an opening for Ethan's age group. It's a newer building, bigger playground, lots of activities. Ethan's cousin attends this day school, they'll see each on the playground. They also served a hot lunch. I've been packing lunch for Ethan. When I was working part-time it wasn't such a big deal. But now since I'm full-time, I'd prefer to spend time with Ethan & DH rather than finding to a decent meal to pack.

One of the local attraction is an antique carousel. It's only open for special events or if it's rented for private parties. It was open during spring Break. Ethan & I had a picnic at the park with my sister & her 2 sons and then the boys rode the carousel.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Back in September, I wrote about an old school friend who died unexpectedly. Since then three more high school classmates have died. I wasn't very close with any of them, but we lived in a small town, each grade level had approximately 100 students, everyone knew everyone. These were guys I saw in the halls, at lunch, around town for years.

J, who died in September, was two grades ahead of me. He died of a heart defect that had not been discovered before. He exposed me to Ni.ne In.ch N@ils at a party back in the 90's.

M died in December of a virus. He was in ICU before passing away. I had known him the longest. We lived a few miles apart, attended the same elementary school. He was a grade level below me. I remember he memorized a Shel S1lverstein poem for a competition in elementary. I ran into him a few years ago at a music festival in Austin. It was nice to see him.

C had special needs and probably had numerous medical issues. He died of pnuemonia in early March. He took special ed. classes so I didn't see C. often. He was a big fan of our high school sports, always cheering. He always had a smile on his face and loved to hug. Someone created a webpage in his memory, there have been so many posts about his positive outlook on life.

T. just died this past Tuesday from a construction accident. I remember him being a shy, sweet guy. He left a 2 y.o. daughter & his wife, that breaks my heart. I've been sad since I heard the news.

Like I said, I wasn't very close to any of these guys, but I guess I'm just shocked to know these young men who died too soon. We aren't too surprised to hear when the eldery die, but when they still have so much living to do, when they are cheated of growing old with their spouses, watching their children grow up, it's heartbreaking. Each of these young men died unexpectedly, leaving their families to grieve. Tell your family and friends that you love them.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Want more?

This weekend my sister & I had a garage sale. One of the first customers told me that I looked familiar. We figured out that our sons go to the same day care, although in different classes.

We were selling lots of baby gear and clothes that Ethan(the youngest boy, my sister has 2 sons.)had outgrown. The woman asked, "You don't want more?" I get this often. I don't mind when good friends or relatives ask, but I find it rude when strangers ask.

DH & I always wanted one child. After losing Sara, we knew we would try again. We feel complete with Ethan. He's almost 2.5 years old and we haven't discussed trying again.

I, too, would ask close friends if they wanted more children. But I'm not comfortable asking strangers. It's just none of my business. When I am asked, I feel like the person asking is expecting a complete explanation of why we're not having more. I usually don't want to go into losing Sara and how emotionally difficult my second pregnancy was. I usually just shrug my shoulders and say "We just don't." I'm not going to judge people if they decided that they don't want any children or if they want their own baseball team. As long as they love and care for their children, that's all that matters.

Why do strangers ask though? So many times, I've been tempted to say, in a whisper, "Because my therapist says I shouldn't." But living in a small town, that would be a bad idea to say.

Off topic, but I wonder why people do this: Say it's your birthday and a co-worker or other person finds out and then they say,"Oh my father-in-law's birthday is coming up next week." I don't get it. Am I suppose to send a card to him? People are born everyday, people share birthdays, strangers share birthday. I'm sure I've done this, it's just quirky to me.