Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Just a few things that have been rolling around in my mind....

In June, my nephew turned 4 years old. Littlest J is 3.5 months older than Sara would be. Littlest J & Ethan attend the same day school, although they are in different classes. On this particular Friday, I was dropping off Ethan while my sister was dropping off Littlest J. He was carrying a carrier full of cupcakes for his class. He was so excited about his birthday. I gave him a birthday hug and said that he was getting so big. When I got back to my car, I started crying. Littlest J is my gauge, what milestones would Sara be hitting? How tall would she be?

I work in the admissions office at our local community college. I see a lot of documents. I come across quite a few "Sara(h) Elizabeth"'s. It makes me sad, knowing my Sara will never attend college, never grow up.

When Sara died, we asked if we could donate her organs. We were told it was too late. Since Ethan was born, I try to donate blood when I can. It's my way to make a difference, to save a life when I couldn't before.

Monday our local hospice is having an infant loss support group. I plan to attend. I haven't been to a support group for 2 years, I miss it.

I haven't written much about Ethan lately. I feel like he is such a blessing. He was kind and considerate and funny. Of course he's two, so tantrums are standard. But I feel like I have more patience with him after losing Sara.


Monica H said...

Sam's cousin has a 4th birthday this weekend. i can go all year without thinking about him, but then his birthday rolls around and all I can think about is what sam would be like.

"It's my way to make a difference, to save a life when I couldn't before." I think that is beautiful.

Ya Chun said...

It's a sum of little things, pricking you