Sunday, February 17, 2008

Butterflies & a new normal

When I was pregnant with Ethan, I went to the fabric store one day looking for a craft project - anything that inspired me. I came across some fabric, a brocade with colorful butterflies. I bought a few yards, not even knowing what I would do with it. I figured that I could find someone to make an Asian-inspired top for me; I don't really sew stuff like that,I just do very simple stuff. Well a few weeks ago I was inspired - I could sew a wrap! I finished it Saturday morning & wore it to a wedding that night. I got a few compliments on it. Most of the people who said anything wouldn't put the butterfly/Sara connection together, but it was just one more way for me to keep her near me.

At the wedding I talked to 2 women I haven't seen in years. Both knew of my loss and it felt good to share my story with them. I couldn't help but think in the back of my mind, "We're at a wedding, everyone else is dancing & laughing & joking around & simply having a fun evening. I'm talking about my dead daughter and how she touches my life daily. This is my new normal."

My friend Becca & her husband brought her new daughter to the wedding. (We left Ethan with my parents.) So I finally got to meet little Miss Darcy. It didn't work out for us to visit when they were in the hospital like we originally planned. Darcy is perfect and so precious. She felt like a feather at less than 8 pounds compared to my chunk at almost 18 pounds. Sunday we stopped by their house for a little while & we took a picture ofthe 2 of them. Cute uh?

Sunday we went to church - the church Becca & I grew up in, the church we got married in. As we were going up the stairs to the balcony (where families with small children are encouraged to sit), we noticed a plaque with a list of names for who memorials to the church had been given. There was Sara's name! And below it, Elizabeth's. It made me stop for a moment. I wasn't expecting that. I knew that money was donated to the church in Sara's memory, but I never thought about the church acknowledging it in a permanent way. It felt good to see her name engraved, it will be there for years to come.


Monica said...

Butterflies are special to me too! you are just too darn creative with that wrap thingy.

I think that it is neat that your church did that for Sara. How neat.

I miss you and Monica. I've been super busy lately. We should all meet for coffee on Sunday. Are you going to group? Thursday is Jack's day and if Monica goes I'll go.

Kristi said...

We should try to get together soon. My parents be coming to visit this weekend to help us work on our house so we can put it in the market.

I asked Monica about Thursday - basically whatever she wants to do, I'll follow. I just need to know if I need a babysitter for Ethan so Josh can go too.

Coggy said...

I love the wrap. You've probably gathered butterflies are a big thing for me too. On the day of Jacob's funeral I sat out in the garden, even though it was October it was really mild and there were just so many butterflies fluttering around. They always remind me of him now.
I should show you my butterfly jewelry collection some time. It's a bit out of control.

Lori said...

Did you take a picture of you in your wrap? Would love to see it. I think it is very special that you made something you can wear and be reminded of Sara when you do.

I can't believe how big Ethan is - he is so cute!!!

Monica (H)opeful said...

Hello I'm here!

I love the butterfly fabric and the idea of the wrap, but I want to see the final project.

How sweet of your church to remember Sara. I love when others think of our chilren. It makes me feel special.