Sunday, February 17, 2008
Butterflies & a new normal
When I was pregnant with Ethan, I went to the fabric store one day looking for a craft project - anything that inspired me. I came across some fabric, a brocade with colorful butterflies. I bought a few yards, not even knowing what I would do with it. I figured that I could find someone to make an Asian-inspired top for me; I don't really sew stuff like that,I just do very simple stuff. Well a few weeks ago I was inspired - I could sew a wrap! I finished it Saturday morning & wore it to a wedding that night. I got a few compliments on it. Most of the people who said anything wouldn't put the butterfly/Sara connection together, but it was just one more way for me to keep her near me.
At the wedding I talked to 2 women I haven't seen in years. Both knew of my loss and it felt good to share my story with them. I couldn't help but think in the back of my mind, "We're at a wedding, everyone else is dancing & laughing & joking around & simply having a fun evening. I'm talking about my dead daughter and how she touches my life daily. This is my new normal."
My friend Becca & her husband brought her new daughter to the wedding. (We left Ethan with my parents.) So I finally got to meet little Miss Darcy. It didn't work out for us to visit when they were in the hospital like we originally planned. Darcy is perfect and so precious. She felt like a feather at less than 8 pounds compared to my chunk at almost 18 pounds. Sunday we stopped by their house for a little while & we took a picture ofthe 2 of them. Cute uh?
Sunday we went to church - the church Becca & I grew up in, the church we got married in. As we were going up the stairs to the balcony (where families with small children are encouraged to sit), we noticed a plaque with a list of names for who memorials to the church had been given. There was Sara's name! And below it, Elizabeth's. It made me stop for a moment. I wasn't expecting that. I knew that money was donated to the church in Sara's memory, but I never thought about the church acknowledging it in a permanent way. It felt good to see her name engraved, it will be there for years to come.