Wednesday, November 5, 2008

At arm's length

My friend M called me last week to wish me a happy belated birthday. great.

When I saw her name pop up in the caller ID, I thought twice about answering. I talked to her back in March, played phone tag for a few weeks over the summer, I was busy at the moment, but I decided to talk. Yes she has said some thoughtless things over the past 2 years but we've been friends for so many years, I don't want to let that ruin our friendship. But when she wished me a happy belated birthday, my attitude changed, I didn't want to have a friendly chat with her. She seriously doesn't get how losing Sara has changed me - especially since I lost Sara on my birthday. She could have just said that she was thinking of me, that we haven't talked in a while, she didn't have to bring up birthdays at all, she was already 3 weeks late with that.

M. had told me back in March that she was pregnant with her second child, not very far along at the time. She told me last week that she's having a C-section the day after HER birthday. Now I really didn't want to talk to her. I don't even know if she's having a girl or a boy. Yes, part of this is due to jealousy - I can not enjoy a pregnancy, I don't want to talk about hers either.

I wish I could sit down and tell her how her thoughtless words have hurt me, but knowing how little free time she has had for me over the past few year, I know we won't be having that conversation any time soon. Don't get me wrong, I think she has been a good friend in the past, but she is horrible at time management and has different priorities than me. She works full-time & travels a lot and often puts her job before her husband & son (as I see it). There have been several times over the past few years (before I was ever even pregnant with Sara)that she would flake on me when we had made plans to meet for coffee or brunch, usually for work things that popped up.

So I feel myself putting distance between us.

1 comment:

Monica H said...

I'm sorry she's been so insensitive, but do what feels right for you.