Bringing You Up-To-Date

A few days ago ethan & I stopped at the drugstore. There are 2 registers facing each other. I stood in line waiting for the first available cashier. The woman behind me asked if I was in line for the register that was closer (by 2 feet) or first available. I said "First available". I could hear her huffing & puffing behind me about the wait. There really wasn't much of a wait, she was 3rd in line & the cashiers were moving quickly. I moved up when a register opened & that woman moved up behind another woman still at the register. The first woman starts complaining about the wait. Then I heard her say, " I'm a lung cancer survivor, I have a right to speak up." Huh?? You have a second chance at life and you gripe about a 3 minute wait to check out? I wanted to turn around and say, "I'm surviving the loss of my stillborn daughter, I'm not complaining about a short wait." Later I told my friend about the comment. We were both annoyed by her attitude, aren't we all facing some trials & tribulations? Death of a loved one, divorce, abusive relationships, stressful jobs.

We had a lovely Christmas. DH, Ethan & I exchanged gifts Sunday night. DH surprised me with a KitchenAid stand mixer - fun!! I also got a LL Be.an fleece jacket & toiletry bag. DH received a new putter & polo style shirt with his college logo on it.

Monday we drove to visit my family and to DH's mother's family on Christmas Day. Ethan got several toys, books, clothes & diapers. He received some money that will go straight into his college fund. We returned home on Wednesday. We were glad to be able to sleep in our own bed.

Monday afternoon, my mother wanted to take a nap. She was holding Ethan while I straightened up after changing his diaper. The next thing I knew she was in their waterbed with Ethan! I was so angry. It is not recommended to put babies in a waterbed - period. I told her that. She said that she was with him. I said, "But you want a nap and then no one is watching him. I've already lost one baby. I don't want Ethan in a situation that makes me uncomfortable." I took him out of the room, she probably pouted, but I'm sure she understood.

DH's family makes a family scrapbook. His mother included Sara in her pages with a butterfly & a caption saying,"Sara is always in our hearts." We included a butterfly as well. I plan to always incorporate a butterfly into our pages to remember Sara.

Poems for Sara

DH's grandfather wrote the following poems for Sara...

Sweet were our dreams for you
And sweet are our dreams of you.
You will forever be in our heart.
Our anticipation from the start
Underestimated the effect of you.

As we etch your memory in our mind
We are so pleased at what we find:
A child we love, and always will,
A love that stays on with us still
Which helps think of others - kind.

Remembering our plans for you,
We know God will make them true.
The joy we shared while you were here
Will help us keep you ever dear
And in our plans that's true.

As time passes slowly by us
We take time to make a fuss,
To plant a tree or pick a cause,
To have a prayer or just a pause
To think about your time with us.

(Written Sept. 30, 2007, 2 days before Sara's birthday)

From Mourning to Morning

A year of mourning now has passed

We find the morning here at last

Enter new life and save the past

In our hearts and memories cast

Deeply within us as a mast

With sails that push to outlast

Our feelings of sorrow or downcast

To bring back the joy you brought

At last.

(written Oct. 4, 2007, 2 days after Sara's birthday, 7 days before her brother Ethan was born.)

Commentary on War

From my favorite non-loss/SPAL/baby blog --- postsecret dot com:

And in this corner...

weighing in at 15 lb, 4 oz - Ethan the Great!!

Yep, we just had his 2 month wellness check this morning, my little guy is already over 15 pounds. He's in the 95 percentile for weight, 90 percentile for length at 23 7/8 inches. He also got 4 shots - ouch! He was not happy. So when the nurse left, we breast-fed & he fell asleep.

That's a picture of Ethan and his buddy Andy, Monica's baby. Andy is 10 days older than Ethan. Aren't they precious? About 30 minutes after this picture was taken, Ethan's diaper leaked on my lap! He was wearing a thick fleece outfit, so I didn't notice right away. I had to change his diaper & clothes on the floor of the star.buck's restroom. Yes, they do not have a changing table in there. I'm glad the diaper bag came with a changing mat!

This weekend is DH's holiday party. DH's mother is coming to visit & babysit. We'll see how it goes. This is the longest I'll be away from Ethan. I'll be nursing or pumping until the minute we leave & again as soon as we get home.

Sleep & Stuff

DH & I have a routine for Wednesdays & weekends, he works from home Wednesdays - I get up with Ethan overnight to breastfeed, but DH takes over at 5:30am, so I can sleep in. Saturday morning, I was able to go back to sleep until almost 10am!!
Ethan seems to only take little cat naps now - up to 45 minutes. I try to ignore him & let him fall back to sleep, doesn't always work. So by the evening he is cranky. Yesterday he continued cat napping through 8pm. He started screaming, so tired. We gave him a bath & settled down to rock/nurse. He fell deep asleep around 10:30 after more cat naps. He woke up at 4:30am!! 6 hours of sleep!! It was divine. I want to start getting him on a real schedule. I started reading Ba.by Wi.se, but who has time to read a whole book? I need a brochure. Can anyone summarize Ba.by Wi.se for me?

Update: Thursday night he slept great too - asleep by 10:30, up at 4 to nurse, back to sleep by 4:30, up at 8:15. :) Now he's probably sleeping too much at night. : ( After he nursed in the 4:00 hour, I had to pump. Walking around getting my stuff together, I noticed that the cat throw up his food. He occasionally binges & purges. Luckily I didn't step in it AND it was on the tile.