Yesterday was Sara's first birthday. I didn't know how we would react to all the emotions. Part of me was afraid that I'd wake up crying and not stop. But it ended up being a peaceful day.
DH & I went through Sara's things - that was probably the hardest part of the day - seeing her untouched pictures again (we had them touched up & display those.), the blanket she was wrapped up in, her hair.
We looked through the cards we received, the donations that were made in Sara's memory.
We had an appt with our therapist. On the way, we stopped for coffee. The barista commented on my necklace - Sara's charm in the shape of a heart. It was nice - someone noticed, even though she didn't realize what the heart represented.
At the therapist's, we talked about remembering & honoring Sara on her day & after Peanut's born. We talked about signs of post part.um depres.sion & what we could do to prevent any extra stress.
We went to the jewelry store to buy an new charm for my bracelet.
Then we went to the hospital. I was dreading it & looking forward to it at the same time. I hadn't been back since losing Sara. We went to the nurses station & asked about the nurses we had last year - neither were on duty. Maybe we'll see them when Peanut's born. We explained the care package & the nurses started to tear up. Then we asked to visit our friends Monica & her DH - their precious son was born on Oct. 1. The nurses said that they knew Monica & told us which room she was in. I'm sure they put the information together & realized that we knew each other from our support group - not just co-workers or other normal friendships.
We held a newborn baby on Sara's birthday! We can't wait for Peanut to be born now. To see Monica & her DH so happy, we want that! Monica shoo'ed everyone out of he room - she knew it might be hard for us to be there on Sara's birthday - but surprisingly - it wasn't. We felt very peaceful.
I wish I could do a better job of explaining how we felt. We felt peaceful & close to Sara. We created traditions that we hope to continue. Sara will be remembered!