My older sister T. just called, she mentioned coming to visit after Peanut's born - that's fine. She said that she knew we'd have plenty of help the first few days - with the grandparents & other friends in town. She specifically mentioned my friend Michelle. A few months after losing Sara, I found out that T. was emailing Michelle to check in on me. That hurt. My own sister can't call or email me to ask how I am. We're not very close, but we have a good relationship. But the other side of that is that Michelle isn't the most reliable resource. We've been friends for a long time - since jr. high. But she has her own life - her family, job, etc...She spent a few hours with DH & me at our house a few days after we lost Sara. But we've also tried to get together numerous times & she usually has to bail at the last minute. I understand she's busy - I don't fault her for that - but if my sister wants to know how I'm doing, it might help if the person she's asking has talked to me or seen me. I can recall 3 times that Michelle & I have gotten together in the past 11 months - other than the night she came over. None of them were just us, one on one time, usually there was another activity going on.
Also I didn't tell T. that DH & I plan to visit my parents this weekend to honor Sara. (My younger sister J.knows & will be there, she lives down the street from my parents.) T. asked if we were still planning to visit our parents at the end of September, I said no, that we weren't comfortable traveling so close to the due date. I don't think she would understand if I told her that I didn't want her daughter around me this weekend, although J's sons will be.
To the Monicas - thank you for your comments. I have to do what feels right for me & DH at this time - even if other people get their feelings hurt. That hurt doesn't compare with the hurt of losing Sara.
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3 comments:
Good for you. Are you prepared to tell your sister why you didn't tell her you were going to see your parents if she finds out. That could lead to more drama, unfortunately. I'll see you tomorrow :)
If it comes up, I'll explain that we didn't invite anyone else - not DH's family or any other relatives that live near my parents. I'll just say that it was about me & DH & Sara. I don't feel like it's a party, it's a special time for us.
If she digs further, the truth may hurt, maybe yeah, my niece can be a brat.
I have friends like the one you describe. The only think reliable about them is their unreliability. Your sister should call you, not your friend, that just makes sense to me. I agree with what you should say to her should she question you. I'll see you tomorrow.
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